Chad With a Chance of Getting Laid
by Vernie
Summary: Sonny asks Chad to stay the night with her. Chad freaks and seeks advice from the worst advice-givers ever: The Randoms. No Lemon, sorry folks.


_**Chad With a Chance**_

It wasn't as if the thought had never entered my head before. It was there the day I'd first met Sonny, shaking the hand of the busty brunette in the fat suit (I've always had a thing for waitresses _Rawr_). And as I'd grown to know her, to love her, I begun to have those thoughts more and more. Now that we were dating those thoughts had turned into sweaty, lust-filled dreams.

But Chad Dylan Cooper was a gentleman. I wasn't going to let those thoughts, those dreams, those raging teenage hormones turn me into a dufus with no self-control. I cared too much about Sonny to take advantage of her, to pressure her to do something she wasn't ready to do. And she was so sweet, so naïve, so innocent. That's what I loved about her and I wanted to keep her that way forever as impossible as it was starting to seem.

To be honest I was quite content with the daily hug and the occasional kisses that we shared together. Even the close encounter with second base when Sonny preformed the Heimlich Maneuver oh me (Sure it was her hand caressing my chest but it still counted right?)

Of course there would come a day when all of that teenage innocence ended. And it seemed that day would be today.

As usual I had been waiting for her after rehearsal this afternoon with a smile and a hug.

"You were fantastic, M'Lady," I said as she embraced me back. "I might even watch this week's episode."

"Well…" she said honestly surprised with a smile.

Tawni walked past the us, dry heaving on the way to her dressing room.

I took Sonny's hand in own as we began to walk. Then she looked up at me saying, "Listen Chad, there's something I want to talk about with you."

"Mmm Hmm," He replied, quite content with the feel of her touch. She leaned into my shoulder, snuggling slightly. I had my fame, my fortune, and most importantly M'lady. I was king of the world!

"My mom's going to be gone tonight. Her new boyfriend took her to Vegas for a couple of days."

"Awesome," I replied, not really understanding the significance of the statement.

Sonny stopped, her hands still clasped in my own. "I was thinking," she said with a slight blush. "I was thinking that maybe, uh, you could stay the night."

My eyes widened twice their normal size as I looked at her, feeling my heart rate quicken considerably. "Oh…"

"It's just…you know…she's going to be gone the entire night…I just thought…"

Suddenly, I was finding it harder and harder to breath. Finally letting Sonny's hands free, I wiped my sweaty palms on the legs of my khakis. "Sure, sounds like…fun…" I smiled nervously, nodding my head.

"Tawni and I are going for mani/pedis, but I was thinking you could come over around seven?"

I nodded, speechless. Sonny shot me on of her dazzling smiles before walking away.

**I**

"You can do this; you are Chad Dylan Cooper," I said to himself, staring at my own reflection in my dressing room mirror. "You have romanced many a lady at the Falls! Now comes your turn in real life!"

But I knew the truth was I was no Mackenzie, and my experience in the ways of the woman were nowhere near that of the character I played on TV every Wednesday night at eight o'clock.

"Okay, okay, get a hold of yourself! Your advice is doing me no good!" I shouted at my reflection before leaving his dressing room and storming off.

This was big. It was huge. And I would not mess it up. Even if it meant taking advice from a _Random. _Eck.

So I went to the first person I could think of that was capable for offering any advice on the subject. A female who knew Sonny well (Other than her mom, because that would be creepy.) I went to Tawni Hart's dressing room.

"Ugh, your girlfriend isn't here. She took Nico and Grady out for chicken on a stick," Tawni said in disgust as she sat at her vanity, freshening her makeup. She pressed her lips together before blowing herself a kiss.

"I'm not here to talk to Sonny, I'm here to talk to you," I replied in annoyance.

She game me a devious smile. "And why is that? Are you finally here to beg me to guest star on Mackenzie Falls to help your silly show's ratings."

I waved my hand. "That'll be the day. No I'm here because I need some advice on something. On Sonny."

Her smile grew even bigger. "Ooh, even better! Chad Dylan Cooper is here for _love_ advice!"

Now I felt like dry heaving. "Okay, first off don't flatter yourself. You're the only one of her female friends that happens to be available, well always available," I added with a smirk, "right now."

She smirked back, shaking her head. "Alright, but make it quick. I have to paint my nails before I go to my manicure tonight."

"So you're painting your nails before you go to paint your nails?"

"I can't go out bare-nailed!."

"Okay, whatever," I said, shaking my head again. "I need to know how to…how to…" How was I even going to ask this? "How to _romance _Sonny."

"Oh my God!" Tawni squealed in the most inhuman high-pitched tone I had ever heard. "You're going to-"

"Don't say it…" I closed his eyes. "It's just that you're a girl, she's a girl. I want to know how to make it _special _for her." I shrugged. "Because I know how girls are about their virginity," I said lowering my voice a bit and shrugging.

Tawni stood up from her chair and began to pace around the dressing room.

"Okay, for the sake of this conversation I'll have to pretend like you're not Sonny's boyfriend, because the idea of you two together…" she frowned at him in disgust. "Anyways, how to make a girl's first time special. First there should be lots of candles, flowers in vases, maybe a picture of her in a crystal photo frame… Oh, you might wanna jot this all down."

I nodded, grabbing a pin and notepad off Sonny's desk. "Mmm, a bedazzled platter of fine chocolates. Oooh, a fragrance diffuser, with some of that really expensive fragrance they sell at that fancy store at the mall."

"Uh huh," I replied. "You know Tawni, this list is getting kinda long. I was thinking more along the lines of actual advice and not a shopping list."

Tawni stepped up, giving me a serious glare. "Chad, just treat her like a princess."

I smiled to myself. Good advice, and from Tawni of all people. "Of course, I would never think of not respecting Sonny. Tonight is going to be about her."

"Oh, no. I mean _actual _royalty…I was thinking a tiara! Or…or…a carriage ride!"

I rolled my eyes, slowly exiting the door backwards as Tawni rambled on.

**II**

This was pathetic, horribly pathetic. Where on earth are you supposed to find good advice at the _So Random _sound stage? I needed advice from someone older, more experienced with the ladies. There was Jake the mail guy, or whatever his name was. He was in college so probably got a lot of tail. But when I approached him he simply ignored the me, pushing his mail cart along while muttering obscenities under his breath. Scratch that idea.

I soon found himself at the door of Marshall Pike, producer of _So Random. _I rapped on the door quietly and a bit nervously.

"Come in," a frantic voice answered. Marshall had a phone tucked beneath his chin, rustling through a pile of papers as he motioned for me to sit down.

"Yes, yes, I need to have a giant pudding cup commissioned." he nodded. "No, no, we can fill it ourselves. Just, just get it done!" he shouted into the phone as I raised his eyebrows. I haven't said it enough since I'm dating Sonny know but this show is utterly ridiculous.

Marshall put a mark through his to-do list which set on his desk. "And now I only need 250 gallons of chocolate pudding."

"What can I do for you today, Chad? Remember I don't have anything to do with your demand list unless your guest starring on the show, which won't be for awhile considering your last demand list practically cleaned out our budget for the year."

"Uh huh…Well actually I'm hear for a little advice. My dad's out of town again so he isn't around to answer any questions for me."

"What sort of advice Chad?" Marshall asked, typing away at his keyboard ask he talked and running his hand nervously through his hair.

"Love advice."

Marshall suddenly stopped typing, looking up at me and staring.

I quickly found myself embarrassed. "Not for me…uh…for my friend. He's a bit shy, won't actually ask for advice himself so I'm being a good friend and doing it for him."

"I'm afraid I'm not of any help Chad."

"Why not? You're dating Miss Bitterman aren't you?"

"Yes, the same Miss Bitterman who owns forty-something cats and picks me up at the house I share with my mother in her '82 Pacer."

I nodded, knowingly. "Well, didn't you have ladies when you were in high school? You were young once right?"

Marshall sighed, glancing over at the photo of a younger Marshall Pike with a headful of hair. "Ahh yes, my younger days when I would have two, maybe three dates a month alone. I was quite the player."

"So, I mean, you got past second base right? Probably hit a home run here and there."

Marshall smiled, thinking back fondly. Then he must have realized he was talking to a 17-year-old boy because he sat up quickly, clearing his throat. "Don't worry Chad, your _friend _will know what to do when the time comes."

I nodded, standing up. "Thanks Mr. Pike," I said as he stood up and walked towards the door. Another dead end.

"Oh and Chad," Marshall called out before I could exit." For goodness sakes wear a condom."

I smiled uncomfortably at him before shutting the door behind me.

**III**

I walked into Zora's dressing room . She looked up from the Barbie doll who's hair she was fashioning into a Mohawk before I asked myself "What am I doing?" and walking back out.

This was getting ridiculous. In less than three hours I would be at Sonny's apartment. No one had been of any help. Why on Earth couldn't I just do this on my own? Because I would screw it up. I would screw it up like I did our first date, which I ruined by being overly nervous. Or our first kiss when I went through the elaborate process of trespassing on the beach at night with a basket of fruit and fine imported Wisconsin cheeses. Because no matter how hard I tried I seemed to always screw things up.

And because this was Sonny and she meant everything in the world to me.

I had to do this right. So I went to the last people on Earth I would ever ask for help.

"You want what?" Nico snickered in my face as Grady laughed along.

"Fine, just forget it," I said as I walked away. "Wouldn't expect you clowns to offer any usable advice when it comes to love anyway. I imagine it doesn't take much to impress a pillow."

"Why are you asking us anyway?" Grady inquired. "Hasn't Chad Dylan Cooper charmed Gomez, Tisdale, and Hudgens? Why would you even need to ask us about this anyway?"

"I don't know," I replied inwardly. "You both know Sonny so well. I don't want to ruin her night, which by the way you will never speak of to her. Upon finding out she will kill you both for knowing and then kill me for asking in the first place."

They were both still snickering madly.

"Wait, I got it-Chad is a virgin!" Nico busted out in laughter. "Just don't throw up on her Chad!"

Finally, swelling with anger, I turn to leave. Why on Earth did I come here in the first place? Zora would've been more helpful than these losers.

"I've got it!" Grady exclaimed.

"Got what?" Nico asked.

"The answer to Chad's problem! _Lust in L.A._"

I turned around. "What, you mean that woman show?" I asked. "Seriously, Grady? Does your mommy even let you stay up that late?"

"I TiVo it. Anyways, that's what Nico and I watch so we can make girls think we know stuff about girls."

Nico quickly glared at him. "Ut-shay your ap-tray."

I burst out in laughter. "So you two losers get all of your lady know-how from a stupid TV show whose target audience are 30-year-old women?" I lean over, laughing so hard my stomach hurts. "Oh, and to think there for a minute you were trying to make _me _feel pathetic."

"Everything you need to know about women can be learned in one season," Grady goes on as he heads over to the bookshelf and pulls out a disc set.

"Yeah, well, I have two hours and I doubt a silly little television show is going to be all that helpful."

Grady quickly popped the DVD into the player anyways. "It's simple-it always starts out the same. You see, first the lady always goes to the bathroom to 'slip into something more comfortable.' Of course, she always comes out in a sexy negligee. And while she's in the bathroom, you take the opportunity to put on some music. Something really bassy. The ladies love that," Grady says, nudging me in the ribs.

"Well, if ladies love music maybe I should just bring my guitar along and-"

"NO!" the two shout in unison.

"That is." Grady goes on, "how can you play guitar if you need to use your hands. Catch my drift?"

"For what?" I ask.

"For, you know," he elbows me again with a grin but even I can tell he has no clue what he's talking about.

"Alright, whatever," I reply rolling my eyes. "As usual you two have been good for nothing." I make for the door and add "Have fun with your pillows boys."

"Oh we will," Grady replied as Nico punched him hard in the arm.

**IV**

I stood in front of the mirror of my dressing room fixing my hair and smoothing out the wrinkles of my light grey button-up shirt.

"So you're going for it?" a voiced behind me asked.

I quickly spun around to come face-to-face with my cast mate, Portlyn.

"Excuse me?"

She sighed as she slumped down into the armchair behind her, propping her feet on my coffee table. "You and Sonny."

I frowned. "How did you-?"

"I overheard you in Marshall's office this afternoon. Kinda pathetic asking the producer of Chuckle City for sex advice dontcha think?" She grinned as she twirled her dark brown locks around her index finger.

"I-uh…"

She rolled her eyes at me. "It's not that big of a deal. Don't put so much thought into it."

"But it is a big deal for some people," I respond.

"To you?" she asked as she stood in front of me.

"Well…" I look away shyly. "For Sonny. It's her first time, I just want it to be memorable."

She grins and stares at me intently. "You're scared."

"I am not scared," I replied. But the thing was that I _was _scared. I was scared of losing my virginity. I was scared of taking hers, of hurting her physically. Most of all I was scared of how this was going to change our relationship. The pressure over having first kiss had broken us up (momentarily). What would something this big do to us?

Portlyn left and so did I. I got in my car and drove, stopping at the drugstore to buy some prophylactics before heading to her apartment. They had shown me how to use these things in Health class; I just wasn't sure how many I would need tonight. I ended up folding the 12 count strip of condoms in half and tucking them into my wallet. It felt like I had a King James version of the Bible in my back pocket but you never know right?

**V**

"Cute toes," I said smoothing my hand over the sole over Sonny's foot and in return making her giggle. I admired the bright pink nails as Sonny lay on the couch, her feet resting on my lap.

"Good movie choice," Sonny replied. I had rented _Look Who's Talking, _which turned out not to be the best choice to watch before having sex for the first time. Sonny didn't seem to mind or notice though, she had a thing for talking babies and John Travolta.

"I'm so glad you came tonight," she added with a grin, sitting up next to me as I wrapped my arm around her.

I smiled. "Me too."

Soon the movie ended and the credits began to roll and Sonny picked up the remote and stopped the movie.

"So…" I said.

"So…" she replied.

We both smiled nervously before moving in for a kiss. Our lips gently touched at first as our hands interlocked. Sonny's lips parted slightly as the tip of my tongue slipped into her mouth much to my surprise. Our kiss deepened, sparks flying as I made the bold move to her neck, kissing and sucking gently as her hands went through my hair. She let out a small lustful sigh as she did so.

This was it. We were going to have sex right here on the couch for all of her mom's cutesy knickknacks to witness, I thought. My pulse quickened as the palms of her hands moved down my chest. My hand snaked up the back of her shirt slightly, feeling the soft, smooth skin of the small of her back. She must've felt how serious we were getting because she quickly pulled away.

"Umm," she said, slightly out of breath. "I think I'm going to go change into something more comfortable," she said with a grin before slipping away to her room.

Oh crap, I thought remembering _Lust in L.A., t_his was my queue to find some sexy music to shag to. I quickly began to root through Mrs. Munroe's music collection.

"Oak Ridge Boys? Kenny Rodgers? Dan Fogelberg?" I asked myself. "Who are these people?" My fingers finally filed along an album that _looked _romantic enough. A man with long wavy hair and pronounced cheekbone's photo graced the cover. I inserted a Michael Bolton disc letting the music fill the apartment.

"You can do this," I said, giving myself a pep talk. "It's not hard, all you have to do is take off your pants.." I don't know why but it hit me just then that Sonny was going to see me naked. I should've worked out this morning!

What if I couldn't get her bra off?

What if I couldn't get the condom on?

What if her mom came home early?

What if the neighbors heard us?

What if her apartment caught fire and we didn't have enough time to get dressed and had to run outside buck-naked for all to know and see?

I was pretty sure at that point I was having a panic attack.

"I have to get out of here!" I made a mad break for the door, opening it and glancing both ways down the hallway. The coast was clear. I could run straight out of here and I would never have to do this. Then I heard her voice behind me.

"Chad?"

Feeling guilty for what I was about to do, I whipped around to meet her gaze. Sonny was wearing a white flannel pajama set adorned with small pink and purple unicorns, a pillow and blanket tucked beneath her arm. Maybe this was what people from Wisconsin considered sexy, I thought.

"Were you leaving?" she asked.

"Uh…no. Of course not!" I replied. "I was just…getting a breath of fresh air."

She smiled slightly. "Maybe the window would be a better place for that," she said. "This is an apartment building."

I glanced down. "Sonny, I have to be honest. I don't know if we're really ready for this," I finally admitted.

She looked at my quizzically "For?"

"You know, spending the night together."

My broke in two as Sonny looked down sadly, her gaze meeting the floor. "Oh, I see. I'm sorry if I put you on the spot Chad. I just always get kinda scared when my mom is out of town. I didn't want to ruin her weekend. I suppose you probably don't much feel like sleeping on my lumpy old couch the entire night anyway."

"Your couch?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'd let you stay in my mom's room but she gets kinda weird about people sleeping in her bed. It's okay Chad. I'm a big girl and there's no reason I can't take care of myself tonight."

Then I realized what was going on. Sonny had asked me to spend the night because she was scared, not horny. I felt like a fool for what I had put myself through all day. And this Michael Bolton guy-what the hell was I thinking? I should've brought my guitar after all.

"You know what, Sonny, the couch is just fine," I assured her as I pulled her against my chest. "And there's no way I'm leaving M'Lady home alone all night. Fear not, TV's Chad Dylan Cooper will keep you safe tonight."

She smiled up at me, stepping up on her tippy toes to plant a kiss on my lips. I in return picked her up bridal style, carrying her into her room and softly deposited her into her bed. I pulled a fuzzy blanket up over her and tucked her in. "Good night M'Lady," I whispered, planting a kiss on her forehead.

"Good night Chad."

I walked back to the living room, checking the locks on the door before lying down on the couch. Turns out I had gotten lucky that night. Lucky that Sonny and I were on the same page.

Now I just had to figure out what to do with this raging boner.

**The End**

**A/N: I was going for sweet but perverted. I had this rattling around in my head for quite awhile. Sorta got the idea for it by the way Chad seems to get so nervous about anything having to do with Sonny. My apologies to anyone expecting smut. I decided a long time ago that I don't write smut. I just read a lot of it. **


End file.
